I’m sorry to everyone who knows me. I couldn’t be what you wanted. I can’t be your inspiration… I’m exhausted. Life was rough…
I’m sorry that I made it. I’m sorry that I’m alive. I’m so tired of it all…
My Dad recently told my niece that I’m turning 36 tomorrow. I’m not. I’m turning 39 in a few hours. But his explanation to my 9 year old niece was that “women aren’t supposed to turn 40.” What does that even mean??? All I heard was that I should end my life before I turn 40.
But I worry more about what my niece heard. I can’t stand that he is allowed to even know them.
Less than human… Yeah… That about sums up how I feel. I don’t want to keep going through this. I’m so lost and I really don’t know who to trust. I don’t understand why people care and I guess I’m afraid of it.
I would like to lay around all day eatting chocolate and watching The Crown but I am being pressured to go out to dinner.
I asked a friend if she would go to the doctor with me. She said that maybe if it’s that traumatic for me I shouldn’t go. Okay.
I’m in too much pain. No one’s picking up the phone. Nobody ever picks up anymore. I can’t do this…
A friend asked if I’m ok.
In more words than this, I said I am going to hurt myself once he leaves and friend said to be careful.
Not the answer I expected. I know… I shouldn’t have expectations. My bad. I was just reminded of this too.
It’s fine…I’m fine. And I’m sorry…
I have nothing to say or write about. Just pain… So much pain. I’m so tired of it all.