About that letter to my enabling mother…

It’s still raw. So when she called and asked me to go with her on an overnight winery get away, I said yes. I was worried that she was going to tell me she was ill. I think she tries to compensate for the problems she caused. 

This was a mistake. It isn’t her fault that I’m freaking out. Or maybe it is. 

Flashbacks are hard to get through. They’re harder when the enabler is in the room. Among other types of memories that makes me worse… I feel so sick. I haven’t slept over 2 hours a night for five days. I have tried to reach out tonight but there’s nobody around tonigjt.

The intensity of my loneliness is overwhelming.

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2 thoughts on “About that letter to my enabling mother…”

  1. My heart goes out to you. For years I was inundated with flashbacks, to the point of vomiting. I still get them every once in a while. I am fortunate that my brother lives out of state, and has little contact with my family. I dread the day when he and I come face to face – we haven’t had contact in nearly 30 years. My mother and I have made amends, and she does try to compensate for the pain she has caused. Insomnia is often a part of PTSD, and can seem unbearable. I understand and relate to how your loneliness can feel overwhelming. I hope that you are taking care of yourself as best you can with all that you are experiencing. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

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