To my stepdad,

You were there from the start. You were the one at my piano  recitals and girl scout award ceremonies. My “real” father was too busy with his new kids to notice what was going on. He was never there. He still isn’t. You would be still today if I ever asked. 

Why did you treat me so differently? Like I was special… Why did you take me out after school every Friday like it was a treat? 

It would be easier if you were all bad. Its confusing. Maybe that was the point. Or maybe you knew if I cared about you I would never do anything to get you in trouble.

I’m not mad but you hurt me more than you’ll ever know. You hurt me physically in ways that can’t be undone. Did you just not care? Or was that intentional? I don’t know what’s worse. 

You have taken so much from me. My aense of safety… My ability to trust… My self hatred and disgust… My inability to ever have children… And long term medical problems that no ten year old should have to go through.

You violated me in a way that most people will never understand and that changed me forever… I don’t regret having an abortion. It is you they should judge. Not me.
(#metoo was about #harassment not #childhoodsexualabuse or #rape. so why is it bringing so much pain up for me??)


4 thoughts on “To my stepdad,”

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