I am a toxic person

I read the book on Toxic Parents years ago. I recently realized that I’m a toxic person.  I don’t mean to be. I only want good things for others but I’m a Debbie downer or negative Nelly or whatever phrase you prefer. 

I have nothing to offer anymore. I’m not physically capable of much. I’m just existing. Why? I can’t do anything on my own.. If I had something to contribute maybe I could be worthy of things like basic health care. But I’m not. Most Americans agree that I’m not or we wouldn’t have a unified government working to take it away.

I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t actively try not to. I could have turmed my insulin pump off. I could’ve done a big shot of insulin that would have been way too much. I didn’t because I’m too afraid of hurting the people who I love. I wish they’d been that concerned about protecting me as I’ve always been about protecting them. 
**this relapse brought to me by the #metoo movement**


2 thoughts on “I am a toxic person”

  1. It is so very painful to accept that one was not protected. I think the pain of that hurts as much as the attacks. The messages we say to ourselves are very potent. How about, I AM NOT TOXIC. Instead, I am hurting, I was traumatized, and I need the care and love now that I did not get then.

    Liked by 2 people

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