I am a toxic person

I read the book on Toxic Parents years ago. I recently realized that I’m a toxic person.  I don’t mean to be. I only want good things for others but I’m a Debbie downer or negative Nelly or whatever phrase you prefer. 

I have nothing to offer anymore. I’m not physically capable of much. I’m just existing. Why? I can’t do anything on my own.. If I had something to contribute maybe I could be worthy of things like basic health care. But I’m not. Most Americans agree that I’m not or we wouldn’t have a unified government working to take it away.

I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t actively try not to. I could have turmed my insulin pump off. I could’ve done a big shot of insulin that would have been way too much. I didn’t because I’m too afraid of hurting the people who I love. I wish they’d been that concerned about protecting me as I’ve always been about protecting them. 
**this relapse brought to me by the #metoo movement**

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2 thoughts on “I am a toxic person”

  1. It is so very painful to accept that one was not protected. I think the pain of that hurts as much as the attacks. The messages we say to ourselves are very potent. How about, I AM NOT TOXIC. Instead, I am hurting, I was traumatized, and I need the care and love now that I did not get then.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The only contributions, true contributions, are made from the heart, and those can be just words written out as you have done here. Words from your heart that touch other’s hearts like mine

    Liked by 1 person

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