I feel like every waking moment is a battle. I’m in this fight over control of my mind. It’s here when I wake. Its here when I’m falling asleep. I’m fighting but it doesn’t seem that way sometimes I’m sure. I don’t know what to feel. I forget to eat. I’ve become one of those girls I used to dislike…the ones who lose weight without wanting to.
I am feeling: discouraged ALONE damaged destructive exhausted crazy used unimportant SCARED irrational moody empty and did I mention scared or alone?
I’m not alone but I feel alone. Because no matter how much he loves me… 1. He can’t fix this even though he’d want to. 2. He can’t understand this for many reasons. 3. Nobody can unless they’ve lived it. 4. I love him but I don’t want any man involved in this. How messed up is that? He isn’t perfect but nobody is. The name calling hurts but its insignificant.
I am tired of the constant battle in my head.