So many… My head is dark. I want to destroy. Myself.
I don’t want to talk about it but I need him home now. I’m so lost. He knows but he’s not in tune enough to really get it. I wish I didn’t have to tell him what’s wrong. I wish he just knew if I’m crying and going self destructive its probably because I’m having memories unless I state otherwise. Its hard to tell him because I feel disgusting.
I don’t want to think about these gross memories. I don’t want to remember what he did but I have lost control. I don’t want this. I didn’t ask for it. I don’t want to feel these things. But I do. Most of the time. I do. And I hate myself. I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so gross. Idk what to do.
I’m not getting better. It’s been a long time. Pathetic. Weak. I’m going the wrong way. .