Yesterdays session

I’m not holding up well today. I’m not sure how I feel. I just know I’m not okay right now. I haven’t been okay since yesterdays counseling session. I am not sure how to put this to words. I

tried drawing but I’m so critical of myself that it made me more anxious. So I’m trying to write but really just babbling cuz the thoughts coming up are too much right now and I’m on my own with it.

The urge to self harm is strong. I started when I was 11 but I had quit for 11 years until 2017. I’m trying not to but I don’t know why. I’m craving meth. Been clean since October 3 1997 except for 3 days in October 2017 when I took adderrals. I want to self destruct. I don’t know why. I’m in a lot of pain cuz someone hurt me so why is my impulse always to hurt myself?! Ugh he made me a crazy hysterical basket case.

I want it to be over so bad. I want to disappear. She said next week will be harder cuz we have to “address the R***”. I’m not sure I can…

I wish I didn’t need so much.

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2 thoughts on “Yesterdays session”

  1. Dear Robynpi: You are wonderfully brave I will hold your hand for as long as you need. (You are human, and survived non-human things: of course you need help and companionship and comfort.) Here I am. TS

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to hear that you’re struggling with so much. I’m so glad you’re receiving counseling. It will be difficult as you peel back layers and reach the deep stuff – the seed of all your pain. Please, trust the process. This is where the healing can begin. Sending love to you. Hang in there. You’re doing great!

    Liked by 1 person

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