This was my mantra in the 1990s when I was a homeless teenager. I used crystal meth to avoid the nightmares. That’s not an option now.
I feel so alone at night. I’m not sleeping again. Everything is quiet. Except my mind. I almost called a hotline but I always feel more alone in the end. I don’t need a lesson in grounding techniques. I need a friend. But I can’t turn to them. Well, I can’t let myself turn to them. They’re not equipped to help me. I know it gets tiring when someone is never good and only has negative stuff to talk about. I’ve lost many best friends this way. I too have moved on from friendships that brought me down. I totally understand. This is why i say I’m ok when I’m actually crying in the bathroom as I type it.
I am not alone but I feel like I am because I’m alone with my thoughts. I can’t call the local hotline because my husband will hear me. My long distance friend who I told my story to is active online but I want to spare her my craziness.
I’m having some really dark thoughts lately. I can’t tell anyone. I’m probably just tired…