I like the old me better too.

Husband is waking up now. We don’t sleep in the same room anymore. I have been sleeping on the couch for a few years. My decision. It probably upsets him and I am sorry about that. I wish I wasn’t so broken.

My husband is a good guy. He’s generally patient and he has a lot on his plate. There’s no marriage that is 100% perfect. Most of the time, it feels close to perfect. I feel guilty for thinking about suicide as much as I do. He tries.

Last night he attended a work party and wasn’t home until midnight. I missed him all day only to receive the silent treatment for saying no.

I’m confused, sad, angry, and basically feeling lost and alone. I can’t talk to my friends about this.

He’s waking up. I hear him starting to turn his phone on and cough and stuff. I have so much anxiety. I am not bringing it up. This isn’t his fault. I was broken in this department long before he arrived.

I was talking to some listener on an app and her response was perfect. “One would think that after 11 years, you would have sorted this stuff out?” I guess if I weren’t broken, yeah. Hell, I didnt let him touch me for two years. I’m a broken wife and I’m sorry. I wish I could get it all over with. I don’t WANT to live anymore. I’m doing it because I have to. And that sucks…

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